behind your back

Oh, I love these things!

2006-05-23T18:29:00.000-07:00

Over on Rob's blog there is a series of questions about the movies and such. It was too tempting to not copy his questions and bring them over here.

Here is my best effort, at 10:30 on a Tuesday:

1)What film made you angry, either while watching it or in thinking about it afterward?
I get angry at so many movies it is hard to pick just one. "Mulholland Drive" comes to mind though. I was just frustrated because I didn't "get" it, and I hate it when a movie is over my head. Grrrrr.

2) Favorite sidekick
Donkey.

3) One of your favorite movie lines
It's actually my favorite movie paragraph. In "Goodfellas", when Tommy is asking Henry, to paraphrase, "I make you laugh? Am I here to amuse you? What's so fucking funny about me?" I use this line myself all the time but nobody gets it.

4) William Holden or Burt Lancaster?
These names are very familiar but I can't place either of them so I'll pass on this one.

5) Describe a perfect moment in a movie
I really loved the Shawshank Redemption, when Andy crawls through 3 football field lengths of sewer to freedom on the other side of the prison. He stands in the rain with his arms to the sky. Perfect.

6) Favorite John Ford movie.
Another one I'll pass on.

7) The inverse of a question from the last quiz: What film artist (director, actor, screenwriter, whatever) has the least–deserved good reputation, artistically speaking. And who would you replace him/her with on that pedestal?
Clint Eastwood. I wouldn't replace him with anybody.

8) Barbara Stanwyck or Ida Lupino?
Who?

9) Showgirls-- yes or no?
I got a thrill out of it but what bad acting...

10) Most exotic or otherwise unusual place in which you ever saw a movie
The Drive In I suppose. Whoopie. When I'm in exotic or unusual places I am not generally watching t.v., haha.

11) Favorite Robert Altman movie
I think I'm too young for this quiz.

12) Best argument for allowing rock stars to participate in the making of movies
Because Marky Mark is just hot to watch. Sizzling baby!!

13) Describe a transcendent moment in a film (a moment when you realized a film that just seemed routine or merely interesting before had become become something much more)
Jack Nicholson in About Schmidt. I wasn't a fan of that movie really, but it had those types of moments.

14) Gina Gershon or Jennifer Tilly?
Both skanky, but I'll go with Jennifer Tilly.

15) Favorite Frank Capra movie
Again, I don't know this dude.

16) The scene you most wish you could have witnessed being filmed
The shallow part of me says anything with nude scenes of Brad Pitt, and the sensible part of me says any single scene of Goodfellas.

17) Robert Ryan or Richard Widmark?
Do dee do dee do....

18) Name a movie that inspired you to walk out before it was finished
Scooby-Doo Two. Man, I just had to get out of there.

19) Favorite political movie
Fahrenheit 911.

20) Your favorite movie poster/one-sheet, or the one you’d most like to own
Walk the Line, I guess.

21) Jeff Bridges or Jeff Goldblum?
Bridges.

22) Favorite Ken Russell movie
I don't know who Ken Russell is but my favorite Kurt Russell movie is -- can't remember the name but Goldie Hawn is in it and she has amnesia. Still funny after all these years.

23) Accepting the conventional wisdom that 1970-1975 marked a golden age of American filmmaking in which artistic ambition and popular acceptance were not mutually exclusive, what for you was this golden age’s high point? (Could be a movie, a trend, the emergence of a star, whatever)
I hate these artsy fartsy questions. Look, I was born in 1972 and I haven't a clue what was cool back then. Bell bottoms? That's my answer, bell bottoms.

24) Grace Kelly or Ava Gardner?
Ava.

25) With total disregard for whether it would ever actually be considered, even in this age of movie recycling, what film exists that you feel might actually warrant a sequel, or would produce a sequel you’d actually be interested in seeing?
Traffic. That's not to say I want them to make a sequel, because it would most certainly suck and diminish the quality of the first movie, but I had to give an answer and truthfully, I would go see it if it were done. (But I really hope they don't do it)

Do You Live in Echo-Ville?

2006-04-24T17:38:00.000-07:00

I got me an Echo now. It's really strange, because when I was driving my Windstar I didn't really notice how many Echos (gazillions) are on the road. When you drive a Windstar, you notice the other Windstars, period. Especially if they are the same year/model/colour as yours, because you like to get a look at the people who drive them, and see what kind of people have the same vehicle as you. You have that in common, so you must have other things in common, right? Once I even saw a girl (woman I guess but I still call myself and my peers "girls") driving a Windstar like mine and she looked EXACTLY like me. That totally freaked me out. I still get goosebumps when I think about that...eerie feelings that my doppelganger from another planet has arrived and aliens are going to kidnap me while she takes my place!!

Back on topic. Today I took my new-to-you Echo for gas for the first time. I pulled in next to a cute blue Echo, got out, and started pumping my gas. The next thing I know, the owner of the blue Echo is coming over and asking me about my car. What year is it? Is it standard or automatic? How many kilometers? Did I buy it at Clarks? "You'll get great service if you bought it there!" Yada yada yada.

I've owned a Windstar for 8 years and never once has a Windstar owner approached me.

I own an Echo for two days and I'm approached.

Folks, I'm in the club! Welcome to Echo-Ville!

Caterpillars and Bowling Alleys

2006-04-19T18:02:00.000-07:00

In my house, being called a Caterpillar or a Bowling Alley is a huge insult and can cause tears to flow in an instant.

It all happened a couple of weeks ago, when my 7 year old son was picking on my 4 year old son. "Be nice to your brother", I yelled after him. "Don't be a bully".

"Yeah, " said the 4 year old (who often misinterprets new words). "Don't be a Bowling Alley!"

Well, we all got a kick out of that.

That same day, the oldest fella was eating in the living room (a big no-no in our house, even though everybody breaks this rule). The youngest (3 year old girl), comes running into the kitchen to "tell" on him. "Mommeeee! He's eat-ing in the liv-ing ro-oo-om!"

Then the oldest comes running in and tries to turn the focus off of himself. "You're just a big tattletaler", he yells to his sister.

Within a mega second that little girl's face crumpled into distress, tears squirting out of the corner of her eyes in the most cartoonish way, her cheeks turning crimson, "I AM NOT A CATER-PILLAR!" She screamed!

And we all got a kick out of that too.

This is what she wanted

2006-04-18T18:11:00.000-07:00

Okay, due to the enormous pressure put upon me, I've decided to disclose what my mother in law was searching for at Wal-Mart. The "Blackerd".

Are you ready for it?

Oh, I am so mean to make fun of her!

She wanted....

Black earth!

For her garden and her plants. I would have simply called it "dirt", myself . But I'm no gardener.

Trivia

2006-04-17T11:11:00.000-07:00

I know that I have only a few visitors, but I've decided to get on the band-wagon and start a trivia tournament like everybody else seems to be doing! You can find the link over to the right, so join up and let's see how smart you are.

Spice up those Questions!

2006-04-17T08:54:00.000-07:00

Today I got another one of those emails that have a list of questions that have been answered by your friends. The point is remove your friends' answers, fill in your own and forward it on to everybody. And hopefully (or not) they will send it back to you, and allow you to find out all kinds of facts about them.

So, as I was filling it out to send on to my victims, I actually considered fiddling around a bit with the questions. You know, spicing them up a bit! Try to get some real interesting facts out of my friends...woo hoo! However, I have trouble getting even one person to send this garbage back to me so I'd probably have zero probability of getting my questions answered, hehe.

Some questions I'd like to ask though:

1. In one sentence, describe to me the last nightmare you had. Don't go on and on though, because I don't really care all that much.
2. Did you ever shoplift before?
3. Ever fantasize about killing somebody? Would you do it if you were guaranteed never to get caught?
4. Do you have any sexual fetishes? (Don't tell me them! Just say yes or no please)
5. If you had the opportunity to blackmail someone, would you do it?
6. One night stand time! Name the celebrity that is worthy of your evening.
7. If an old nosy relative was coming to stay over, what is the one thing you would hide so he/she wouldn't find it?
8. What political affiliation (if any) do you have?
9. What religious affiliation (if any) do you have?
And the last question, as posed by my son, (because I couldn't think of any more) is:
10. Would you like to come over for a visit?

Can You Guess What She Wants?

2006-04-15T16:56:00.000-07:00

Today I was talking to my mother in law on the phone. She is of french origin. We were discussing how busy the stores were today, how long the line-ups were and so on. She told me she went into WalMart to buy some "blackerd", but had some trouble while she was there.

"huh?" WTH is blackerd you wonder?

I had to ask too. So now I'm asking you, what you think blackerd is.

Remember, she's of french origin.

Try and guess, ha-ha-ha.

I'll tell in a day or two.

Paranoid Old People Spreading Hate of Sun

2006-03-30T18:13:00.000-08:00

I had the following conversation last night with the older lady who works at the store:

Lady: What beautiful weather we are having lately!

Me: Oh yes! What a nice surprise, for a change. I hope it stays like this.

Lady: They are saying we need rain.

Me: Who is saying we need rain?

Lady: The old people. They say we need rain because the wells are all going to dry up because we had no snow all winter.

Me: Oh, that's silly. The old people are always saying that no matter what the weather is like. You can't satisfy them because they are just old and know they are going to die soon.

Lady: Well, they might have a point!

Me: My ditch is 3/4 full of water and my grass is spongie. Go for a walk in the woods! It's soaking wet in there. We don't need rain. We need sun so my rabbits will have green grass to eat.

Lady: Well, we've had a dry spell for awhile now.

Me: Okay, thanks! See ya.

Then today I talked to a neighbor and he also commented on the weather and mentioned about this well-drying business. Shit! They got to him too!!

WTF is it with these old people and their damn rain? It could rain for a bloody month and the first sunshine we get they are whining that we need rain. And they brainwash the younger folk who work at the store and try and get them paranoid by threatening that their well is going to dry up. Then the store people (I almost used that bad "a" word here) are sucked into this mindset and try to brainwash the rest of us.

Brainwash. Brain-wash. That word has deeper meaning than I (word) thought.

When it rains we'll hear about their aching bones.

Drink lots of milk and move to Arizona when you're 60. That's my adice to the old.

Actually

2006-03-30T18:11:00.000-08:00

Four times. That's the number that I said the word "actually" in my last post. Pretty pathetic, because they were all said very close to one another.

Hence forth! I shall not use that word again in any future posts!!

Church

2006-03-25T17:34:00.001-08:00

I went to church last week. Yup, decided to start becoming responsible, and all that stuff. I don't know what it is with me and church. I was forced to go as a child -- which I hated by the way -- so now that I'm nice and ripe at 34 and am actually the "boss" of a real family, I could easily enough decide that church isn't for us and take the opportunity to sleep in on Sundays. But I've got this friggin' conscience, or something, that bugs me about it so I decided to start going again. I don't even really think it's a conscience, it's more like an inquisitiveness, believe it or not. Plus the neighbors will think highly of me and that is just so proper and everything. Points are points, no matter how you receive them!

We went to the Catholic church, because really to me, one doesn't make much difference than the other. I was raised Anglican ("high" Anglican my mother likes to say...as compared I suppose to those pitiful "low" Anglicans) and if you know anything about the history of King Henry then you know Anglican is just a softened-up version of Catholicism. We are cheating catholics -- allowed to get divorces and stuff. Yay, Henry!! Anyhoo, I don't believe in religion but I have this inquisitivity that drives me, so I get to force my own kids to go the same way I was forced to go (only fair, right?). They all were baptized catholic so I figure I've got an excuse to go there. "Excuse me, I'm just an Anglican of the highest regard --shit to you though-- but I am accompanying these lovely three catholics to church this early morn so please accept me -- it's the Christian thing to do".

We arrived early, and had to wait. I spent this time realizing that "catholic", if broken down, is just cat - holic. Get it? Cat-holic.

My kids were being good, and since I am this newly self-inducted church lady, I decided to check out the folks coming in. Don't the poor people sit in the back and the rich in the front? Or was that in the old days?

The sermon started! We had to stand up for a bit, then kneel for a bit, then sit for a bit. Just like the old church days as I remember them. But something was actually catching my attention, for once in my 34 years. The priest was actually interesting! Freak me out!

I was actually sort of surprised that he had the nerve to say the stuff he was saying, though, and this is why he held my deepest interest. This fella was definitely old school. But he had a way of talking that caught your attention, and I think that it was a positive experience for me--even though I didn't agree with everything he was saying--simply because of the fact that I was actually listening for once.

He called us all sinners. He said that if we had abortions we were killing our babies (which I agree with) but then he took it one step further and said if we use contraception we were still killing our babies. Now, that's a little far-fetched. I felt like getting up and asking him if he was killing his own babies because he didn't have sex at all? But proper church ladies don't question the father so I sat in silence.

He told us we should not accept communion if we sleep with people to whom we are not married. Well, I'm not allowed to accept communion because I'm not a "real" cat-holic, just a "high Anglican" so I guess that puts me in the same category as the fornicators. Now, that's just not right.

So, it was such a lovely experience that I've decided to go back tomorrow. The people there are okay...I especially liked the dude in the Metalica t-shirt in front of me who I shook hands with. I really can't wait to see what the good father is going to come up with tomorrow!

Customers -- ARRRGH!

2006-03-21T15:16:00.000-08:00

I know when you have a small business it isn't good etiquette to talk about your customers in a bad way, but I need to vent and this is my secret hiding place so I'm gonna do just that.

My husband has 3 jobs. One of those jobs is a home-based furniture making business. He builds old-looking furniture and sells it part-time. We've been very lucky in this business, as our customers are always impressed and quite happy to pay us the small amount we ask. On occasion, we've even had people pay us extra, because they say we aren't charging enough! We have a great bunch of clientele, and 99 percent of them are excellent to do business with.

However. Sometimes you can't please people no matter what you do. There is a lady who purchased three items from us, a coffee table and two end tables. She told my husband she is on a limited budget and could not afford to pay much. He gave it to her for a discount, telling her it's because she bought 3 pieces. We also charge a delivery fee of $10, which isn't much considering we will bring it to your home and set it up if necessary.

So this lady bought these 3 things. I drove them to her place one night (she lives in Charlottetown) and carried it all in myself. I told her what the price was, plus delivery charge. She proceeded to tell me that she told my husband that she couldn't afford a delivery fee (he later said this wasn't true) so, not one to argue with a customer, I waived the fee. She got three solid wood completely finished custom made pieces, delivered, for $200 bucks. We lost money to make her happy.

A month or so later, she called back and wanted another small table. She again stated she couldn't pay much for it, and wanted a quote. I told her I'd get back to her on that. After consulting with my husband, he said he'd have to charge her bare minimum, $40 for the table, (giving her another discount because she was a returning customer) plus $10 delivery fee (again to Charlottetown). That sounded reasonable, considering he has to heat up his shop, pay for the lumber and stain, plus his labour. The $10 delivery fee wouldn't even cover our gas expenses, never mind our time. I called her and told her what the price was and she took a fit. "I only want a 'small' table", she argued. I told her that even if it's "small", it still takes up just as much time to build it and we have to pay our expenses. She told me to never mind; she'd pick up something at Wicker Emporium. Sheese.

Then a few weeks ago a guy we know came over and asked us for some bunkbeds. I was skeptical--I knew this fellow from years before (he previously worked for my husband in another company) and he was always looking to work just to get his stamps, calling in sick at least 2 days a week, wanting advances on his pay, etc. He is also on EI right now and has, like, 6 kids, so I doubted his ability to pay us. Hubby gave him a deal, knocking $50 bucks off our regular price for bunkbeds. I told him to make sure he got the money before we gave him the beds!

On Friday the guy came over to pick up the beds. He talked for about an hour with my hubby (a real charmer, he is), and then finally said, "I only get my pogey on Tuesday. Can I pay you then?" Hubby agreed. The guy said he could wait and leave the beds behind and just pick them up on Tuesday, but my husband told him he trusted him and knew he'd come pay when he could.

Guess what? Today is Tuesday and we haven't heard or seen Mr. Pogey. I guess we just gave away a brand new set of bunk beds, free of charge!

I think we should get Charity Organization of the Year award. For crying out loud, we are a small business, trying to make a few dollars and fill a need that is out there. Bunkbeds at Sears will cost you $600 and up. We aren't looking to rip people off. We aren't Wal-Mart, selling cheap press-wood articles for a fortune. We build stuff to order, as you like. We stain and varathane it for free. We don't have a high delivery charge. If you have a problem with something, we'll go to your house and pick it up and rectify the situation! What do people want from us?

Again, these two are the bad apples in a huge basket of wonderful customers. But it just irritates me the way some people take advantage of the kindness we try to extend.

Blogger Protection Program

2006-03-11T16:09:00.000-08:00

Pssst. If you are reading this, you've either come across this blog accidentally, or, even worse, you've been exclusively invited to my new secret hiding place! Lucky you.

A fresh page, a new chapter. Post one. I've had to uproot in the middle of the night, because those pesky "bad people" had found me. And, unfortunately, they will find me again, those persistent nuisances. That's the disadvantage of spending your blog life in hiding.

Why don't I come out of hiding, you ask? Why not throw myself out there, advertise myself, allow all those bad people in?

Because what the hell fun is that?

If I want to rant or complain about you, I'll do it behind your back, well within the confines of the Blogger Protection Program, thank you very much!